You made me cry and you don't even care
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
