I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
