Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
