I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
