Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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