If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
