Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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