when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
