i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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