just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
