..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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