his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
