No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
