are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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