Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize