Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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