i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
