I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
