It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
