Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
