I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
