I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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