um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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