I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
