He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
