tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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