So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
