I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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