Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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