i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
