Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
