Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
