Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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