She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
