Is it because I queefed?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
