i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
