Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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