yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
