I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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