Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
