So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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