We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
