it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize