whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
