I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
