whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
