so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
