Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am available for nakedness
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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