Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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