Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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