I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
