Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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