I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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