if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My hand turned me down
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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