you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
