if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
