The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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