dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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