Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
