I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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