He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
whose parrot is this?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
