And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
