did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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