Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
