I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
