Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
