I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
