yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
