She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
