Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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