ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
