Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize