grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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