My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
