I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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