she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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