Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
