I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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